You have to accept to be a foreigner, okay?
And not only because you're a Westerner
and they are Asian people, okay?
You will never be part of the society in Korea.
So you will never be anything else than a foreigner.
And you have to accept this position.
At the same time, they envy you and they hate you.
If you see the COVID crisis,
it was really a war for your mind.
Be afraid, be afraid, be afraid.
And now it's be afraid for the planet,
be afraid for the world.
So it's really what we can say, psychological war.
I have to say to the husband, don't work so much
because you don't work for the family.
You are losing your family.
So it's not because you move for increase in your salary
or increase in your position in the company
that you have to give everything to the company.
You are losing your family at the same time.
So you have to find a balance here too.
In today's episode,
we explore the emotional side of expat life
with a clinical psychologist
with more than 25 years of experience supporting expatriates,
international couples and global mobile families.
She's also the creator of 3D Human Therapy,
a holistic approach that help people reconnect
with their inner compass.
She has lived in France, Canada, South Korea, Japan,
and now splits her time between Switzerland and Singapore.
Through her job, she helps expats navigate transitions,
identity shifts and the effective cost
of constantly starting over.
Today on "Expat Experts", Dr. Elefantiani, let's start.
(upbeat music)
- Dr. Elefantiani, welcome to the show.
Thank you, thank you so much for accepting the invitation
and being here today with me. - Thank you, Marc.
It's very nice to be here with you today.
- Yeah, maybe we should start a little bit
from the beginning.
I know that you lived in quite some countries
and that probably shaped your professional life
and your life in general probably.
Where are you originally from?
- Originally, I was born in France,
but I spent most of my life in Switzerland,
living in Geneva. - Okay.
- But then I traveled and live in Canada
and then in South Korea and now still in Singapore.
Part of the year, because I'm trying to put an office
now in Switzerland to go back.
You know, I'm still old, even if I don't want to believe it.
So I'm preparing for retirement.
So opening an office in Switzerland would be great.
- Okay, so trying to balance between Singapore
and Switzerland right now. - Exactly, exactly.
- Nice.
Maybe the first question that I would have
about your life abroad, it's what brought you
on the first moment, on the first trip
to leave Geneva in that moment?
- I will say two things pushed me to go to Canada.
First is because I spent something like 17 years
at the University of Geneva.
And I thought that that will not be easy for me
to do exactly what I wanted.
So I decided to move to Canada.
But at the same time, I didn't want my daughter
to study in Switzerland because I thought
that she will be much better studying at McGill in Montreal.
So it was a family moving, okay.
And also a family visa.
And we moved to Montreal and she went to McGill.
She did a bachelor in McGill.
And I still believe it was a good move
because that opened the minds, you know, international mind.
She was already speaking English
because her father is American.
But at the same time, it was really an opportunity
because I will say in Europe, the students are kept
as eternal students.
But in North America, students are pushed
to become professional.
So it's completely different.
The mindset is completely different.
And I think it was a very good thing for her
to be able to study in North America.
So this was our first move.
- When does South Korea?
Because that's a big change.
Like I suppose between Europe and Canada,
you still find some relations, but then South Korea,
it's a complete different world probably.
- So in fact, when we were in Canada,
we began to become very friendly with some Korean people.
And we went to some Korean club
and even try to learn some Korean language.
My daughter also was studying Korean culture at McGill.
So we were interested.
And my daughter get a grant to study at Yongsae University.
So she moved to Korea and I was still staying in Canada
with the promise that I will be able to work
after some years.
And it's become really tiring because before to move
to Canada, you have a lot of promises, yes, no problem.
Your diploma will be recognized, acknowledged,
and equivalent to Canadian diploma.
But when you are in the country and already settled,
the discourse, the speech is completely different.
So it's like you have to go back to university,
you have to redo your diploma.
So it was not question for me to stay in Canada.
So I went one month holidays in Korea,
and I say, okay, I'm moving to Korea.
And my daughter didn't believe it because you know,
it's like crazy thinking what will you do in Korea?
In fact, I was a tourist and I stay a tourist
for five years.
So I just want to say, yes, I live in Korea,
in South Korea as a tourist.
So that's been every three months,
I had to go out of the country.
But I was very lucky because you have a
low cost company called Peach,
going from Seoul to Kyoto or to Tokyo
for something like 50 dollars.
So every three months, I went to Japan.
And I love Japan, so no problem.
Even if you spend just a weekend, it will be enough.
So I spend a lot of time in Japan, yes, but I love Japan.
And that's fine for me.
And at the same time, at least I was able to work in Korea,
even as a tourist, because I began to work
at the Jewish community, okay?
And at the beginning, it was more like a service
for some Jewish people at the center.
But after some time, I began to work with other people,
not necessarily Jewish, okay?
Because you have to know you have a lot of English teacher
in Korea, a lot of American people,
that they're really not in a good situation, okay?
Most of them, they come because they have a lot of debt
trying to pay for their studies.
So they have no choice.
And they are not prepared to live in Korea.
And at the same time, not everyone,
but a lot of people had taken advantage of in Korea.
So they are promised a good salary,
a good condition of living.
Not often, but from time to time,
it's absolutely not the case.
They're not even getting the salary.
So you have very difficult situation.
So the center was opened for them
to be able to speak with me.
And this is what happens.
In the expat community, I become like a reference
for a lot of people being able to have someone to help them.
The fact is that in Korea, you don't have psychologists.
Korean people don't use psychologists at all, okay?
They don't have it in the culture,
like it's not part of their-- No, it's not in their culture.
Exactly, exactly.
So what happened is, you know,
you have a lot of American soldiers in South Korea,
and they have big bases there.
So they have their own psychologists.
But if you are not a military, you have no one to speak.
So that is how I happened to be able to work.
And I'm very grateful to the rabbis there,
who was very helpful to settle an office.
So I was able to receive people there,
even Jewish or no Jewish.
So it was really a good situation.
And after that, when my daughter finished Yongsae University
with her master, she didn't want to work in Korea
because Korea is a machist culture.
And it's really difficult for women to be able
to have a situation there, professional situation.
So she look around, and she decide to...
She did some internship in Singapore.
And after that, she decide, "Okay, I'm moving to Singapore."
So, of course, I was not able to go there right away again.
But after some month, okay, I decided,
"Okay, I'm moving to Singapore too."
And then in Singapore, it was really, how can I say?
I feel welcome, okay?
Professionally, I feel welcome.
And I get my EP and was able to settle the company.
And then I was able to work.
And it was really, how can I say?
It was like, it should happen.
Okay? Because it's like the...
It's like, not exactly, but it was like I was prepared
for this because Singapore is a melting pot.
So with the background that I had before,
it's really like, "Okay, I did the path.
I can help you."
And it's really what I feel.
And after that, so I work in Singapore
with a lot of people from different country.
And what happened is some of those people in Singapore,
they move a lot.
So for example, if you have a business trip,
instead of not having your weekly session,
I did it online.
And when the COVID happened, I didn't know what to do
because I was not able to work.
But after a few months, the company decide,
"Okay, we work online."
And so now I work with people all over the world.
So it's really melting pot, puissance, power 10.
So it's really interesting.
And I love it because it's like I can experience something
of their life, but it's so different from one to the other.
It's really interesting.
And yeah, I enjoy what I'm doing, truly.
- Nice.
So it looks like you evolve your life together
with your career, and it just like,
you were in the correct spot in the correct moment.
Let's say like this.
- Exactly. Exactly.
- And you find a way also to reinvent.
- Yeah, but also I have to say my experience,
for example, when I was in South Korea,
one of the main point for me was to train in meditation.
And I had a special interest for meditation
because through my own model,
the three-dimensional of affect, you know,
the 3D human therapy, which is based on the structure
of affect, affect being a feeling.
It was like meditation had a very big impact
on your feeling life.
So I had to see by myself,
but also had some tourist experience,
I will say about meditation,
but the three-dimensional activation, tension,
and proto-representation,
which is a belly feeling of well-being or malaise.
And through meditation, when you do meditation,
you put those three-dimensional activation,
you don't move, tension, you relax,
and you let your thinking dry up.
So proto-representation, zero.
So it was at that moment, if you want,
that I developed what I call
the Four Tools Well-being Program.
With the experience, I maybe refine it,
but at the same time, I see it's working.
It's really working and people can go through this.
And at the end, it's finished.
They finished the therapy,
which means they are psychologically independent
and mature.
And this process is easy to follow,
very easy to understand for people.
So that's why it has so much success now among people.
Speaking to one another, so they come to me,
and they already know the model
because they speak to each other.
So it's interesting.
- Okay, so you have some kind of community
that your clients are talking to each other,
and then it's like expert communities
tend to do these kinds of things,
like the recommendation of the recommendation
and everyone.
It's just like, it's kind of a network.
I want to, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's your safety net, it's not there, you're abroad.
And then you would need to rely on others
to depend on this kind of communications
and this kind of network, of course.
I wanted to ask you, because I checked a little bit
the 3D human therapy that you do and everything,
and I see that you talk a lot about the affective toll
that it happens when you move abroad.
And maybe, can you explain from your experience,
but also what you learned about this,
in general, 3D human therapy, but also like,
it took me the attention,
not this affective toll perspective of it.
Like it was interesting.
- As I said before, okay,
some people, they didn't choose to move.
They were obliged because they have a lot of debt, okay?
And also you have to understand
that when a family move abroad,
most of the time the father, okay, has a new job.
So all the family has to follow.
And sometimes, you know, they already moved before,
but after some years, the wife was able to find a job.
So they settled in, the children are at school,
they have friends.
So it's like every time you move, you lose everything.
So it's quite difficult, particularly for the wives, okay?
Because it's like, what I'm doing, I'm not important.
I just follow and I cannot have a career like this,
because if I have to jump from one seat to another seat,
that means what I'm doing has no interest.
You are the career and we follow.
And there is some resentment from both
because the husband say, okay,
I'm working very hard for the family.
But at the same time, the family say,
you are not present for us, okay?
And we are not feeling good because we still have to have
new friends and find a new job and everything,
but you are not here to help us, okay?
So wives feel very lonely, okay?
And resentment from both sides, okay?
So often I have to say to the husband,
don't work so much because you don't work for the family.
You are losing your family.
So it's not because you move for increase in your salary
or increase in your position in the company,
that you have to give everything to the company.
You are losing your family at the same time.
So you have to find a balance here too.
If you were home, okay?
If you were in your home country,
you will find this naturally because everyone say,
we have to find a balance.
Okay?
But being abroad is like, okay,
I have to prove myself again, okay?
No, you don't.
Otherwise you lose everything from what you are working for.
So you have to find a balance, even if moving to a new places.
So this is a very important for a lot of family.
Yeah, you see it too.
- It's common.
I've seen it with a lot of people living abroad with experts
and people who I interviewed in the podcast.
It's called, or one side,
the side that it's like being forbidden, let's say like this,
and the other that it's becoming a workaholic
or like their life is abroad.
It's all built around this idea of working.
One last question maybe before we jump
to the first reply questions.
I know that you are currently between Singapore
and Switzerland, leaving like jumping
in between these two places.
Why and how is this?
Because it's not like I cross the border
from Italy to Switzerland, which is like a car ride.
It's like, it's two very far away points.
How are you dealing with that?
- Okay, I'll tell you.
I'm a new grandmother.
Okay, so as you understand, family for me is everything.
So I will not miss it for the world.
The small one I have to find a way.
So it's also part of my life.
Of course, I like a lot my daughter.
I love my daughter a lot.
But I also love the new small one.
And I want to be part of his life.
I don't want to be a postcard grandmother,
even if today postcard will be more Zoom grandmother, okay?
So this is a choice you do.
I still want to be able to do what I love.
I told you, I love to be a psychotherapist truly,
because it's fulfilling to be able to help people.
Well, I will say help them to help themselves, okay?
This is more true.
But at the same time, this is really important for me.
So I try now to find a way.
Anyway, the company in Singapore
is essentially working online.
So I can move, even before I was already moving
three months in Japan, two months in Vietnam,
or whatever I wanted, okay?
So easy for me, being online, okay?
But now I did it in Switzerland.
And what can I do in Switzerland?
For now, it's like a big problem,
because it's like they put some regulation,
but in a lot of countries, truly.
Like the psychologists today have the new witches.
Like don't treat too many people,
otherwise we cannot manipulate them, okay?
So, and we cannot sell our medication.
So they love to put doctors and nurses as psychologists, okay?
They give them like a spoon of training,
and now you are a psychologist.
Yeah, of course.
But anyway, selling medication
is not the role of a psychologist, okay?
So now it's becoming more difficult
to work as a psychologist, truly.
Like which tag on your back, okay?
Okay, in any case, I'm still a psychologist,
and I will still do what I'm educated to do,
and at the same time, what I love to do, okay?
And the fact that this is happening now is not,
I will say, surprising,
because if you see the COVID crisis,
it was really a war for your mind.
Be afraid, be afraid, be afraid.
And now it's be afraid for the planet,
be afraid for the war.
So it's really what we can say, a psychological war.
So that's why I believe it's really important today
to have a different speech and be able to help people,
telling them, okay, stay quiet, stay cool, nothing happen.
So, and a lot of people need to make the difference
between their personal life and the life of the world.
Because if you are listening to the TV every day,
it's like you are stressed every day.
Every day, something terrible is happening.
Okay, so you have to make the difference.
- Absolutely. - Nice.
I would say we jump to the fast reply round.
I think we talk about it a little bit,
just you loved your time in Korea,
so I will ask you the questions specifically
about your time over there,
although you needed to go in and out every three months.
The first question that I have, it's the cultural adjustment.
How was for you to adapt to the culture in Korea?
- I will say you have to accept to be a foreigner.
Okay, and not only because you are a Westerner
and they are Asian people, okay?
You will never be part of this society in Korea, okay?
I think the tourist minister is from German origin.
He lived in Korea for 30 years and more,
and he was still speaking about like the foreigner.
So you will never be anything else than a foreigner
and you have to accept this position.
At the same time, they envy you and they hate you.
They envy you because there is this dream
about the Western culture and everything,
but they hate you because often they see you like,
you are taken the good job, you are,
you know, there are even some TV shows
showing that the foreigners are very dangerous.
They rape girls.
Yeah, in Korea it's not a problem.
And they also have a lot of nationalism, "ka for ka".
And in Korea, it's not forbidden because at the same time,
the American people are still drilling the Korean people
to be soldiers in the next eventual war against China.
So nationalism is still good in Korea.
So cultural adjustment, I will say,
accept to be a foreigner, that's it.
Makes sense.
Second one that I have, it's social life.
How did you make friends abroad
or how do you meet people in Korea?
Okay, not easily because I don't speak Korean,
but in fact, easily because I love meditation.
So through the temple, I meet some nuns,
but also priests, but mostly nuns, speaking English.
Oh, I meet one who did study at the Sorbonne in France.
So she was speaking French.
I meet another one who was speaking English
because she studied physics in America.
So it was easy.
And a lot of, I will say,
people going to the international center.
Yeah, I should advertise for the
Verokana International Buddhist Meditation Center,
which is developed by a Jawsonym, so a Korean nun.
And through this center, I met a lot of people,
Korean people, but also international expats.
And I really enjoy my time with them
because it was really an open window on the Korean culture.
Even if you don't speak Korean, I tried to learn Korean.
Truly, I really tried.
I went for courses for months, but truly too difficult.
You know, Korean people, they have a lot of difficulties
to speak English, even with a lot of effort, okay?
A government effort, but for us, you know,
letters, you need one hour to learn the letters.
It's not a problem.
But the grammar is awful, absolutely awful.
So yeah, some people, you know, for example,
my daughter are studying at Yongse, she speak Korean.
But otherwise, forget about it.
And truly meditation, okay?
I also went to some Chinese painting course,
and I love it also.
So yes, through hobbies, okay?
You can learn a lot and meet a lot of people.
So, you know, often the expats,
they suffer because they feel lonely,
but nobody will knock on your door.
So you have to move and be proactive.
And the best way is through common interests.
For example, if you love to do canoeing kayak,
so go do canoeing kayak, and through your common interests,
you will meet people.
So it's really not difficult, but it's like-
- Common interests.
- Yeah, exactly, exactly.
And this way you will meet people.
Because if you think that just going, I don't know,
to a bar or restaurant, yeah, you can exchange some,
well, but it's not like this,
that you really develop a friendship, you know?
That's it.
And it's not question to have friends.
It's just to have some friendship.
Friends is something else.
But at least if you can share a coffee
and share an afternoon, it's nice.
- You touched on the next one that I had,
so I will jump that.
That was language.
You already responded to that one.
So maybe I go to the cost of living.
How expensive is Korea?
- Okay. Korea is really cheap.
Depending how you want to live.
- Okay.
- Personally, I live in a small Korean apartment, okay?
And my rent was something like 4,000 USD.
So it's really cheap.
I like my apartment, but I'm not sure everyone will like it.
I had a Korean bathroom.
For most of people who don't know Korean,
what is a Korean bathroom?
It's when the whole room is your shower.
Okay, so you have to learn to live in a different way.
I still have a Western bed, just to say,
because there is some things I cannot do.
Sleeping on a futon is not fun.
But anyway, if you live like a Korean, okay,
you can live very cheap.
I think you have something about public transport
is really cheap in Korea,
because the salary in Korea are quite low.
So you can live with very little money.
If you think all these English teachers, okay,
who are paid not so well, they're still able to live.
So yes, you can live very cheap,
but depending how you want to live,
if you want a Western apartment,
it will be much more expensive.
- I see.
I mean, talking about apartments, I wanted to ask you,
like, how do you find an apartment
when you arrive to Korea?
You have the language barrier, so...
- Okay, okay.
- How do you connect with them?
- You have to have an agent, okay?
Because in Korea, you have to have an agent working for you,
okay, because you have to have a contract, okay?
And you also have to deposit this contract,
because you have to be able to get back
your cushion when you leave.
And if you don't register your contract,
there is no way for you to get your money back.
So yes, you have to have an agent,
you tell the agent what you are looking for,
and there is different form of contract.
But bigger is your deposit, lower will be your rent, okay?
So it's like you have to calculate,
and depending also of the owner,
because some owner wants, for example, a big deposit,
because they can use the money on side, and a smaller rent,
and some other prefer a big rent and a small house.
But at the same time, as an expat, you have to be careful,
and do it absolutely following the rules,
otherwise, you lose your cushion.
You know, Korean people, when it's a question of money,
like a lot of people anyway, but...
- Yes, absolutely.
The next one that I have, it's something that I know,
it's kind of difficult, but living like a local,
let's say something that you would recommend anyone
to blend in, or something that you say,
avoid doing that because you will be standing out.
- Yeah, you have to know some difference in culture, okay?
So for example, in Korea, girls can have a very short dress,
but not show up, okay?
So that mean different of culture, okay?
So you have to understand how the society function,
a little, okay?
For example, if you have Korean friends,
they can be very direct, and they can say things
which will be rude in our culture,
but for them, it's normal.
Like, for example, you really need to lose weight,
you are truly overweight.
Nobody want to tell you this, but if they're your friend,
they're authorized to tell you this.
So yeah, but you have to understand,
when a Korean person decide to be your friend,
that means they take responsibility for you.
So they will be there when you ask them for help, for example.
Okay?
But before that, it's like they can ignore you.
So you have to be patient.
- All right.
- And so, my answer to your question.
No, no, but it's the same everywhere.
But at least when you become friend with a Korean person,
you really have a friend for life, being in Korea or not?
Because, for example, one year ago, I spent two months in Korea.
It's like I was never away, okay?
My friends are so happy to see me today
than they were 10 years ago.
So this is really nice.
- Nice. Cool.
Next one that I have, maybe in your case,
it's a lot with experts, but what life?
Like, how do you describe the work culture in Korea?
- For women, it's difficult.
If you work in a Korean society, it's really difficult.
And also, we are in the middle of an economical crisis now,
financial crisis, banking crisis, whatever you want.
So it's more difficult to find a job, okay?
But I will say that when you are working
in a Korean society, it's like you can work 10 hours a day.
It will never be enough, okay?
So that's why a lot of Korean people,
they go and live abroad.
That's why the community, for example, in Canada is so big,
because a lot of Korean people,
also because of the social pressure, I would say,
they go to live abroad.
And yeah, I mean, for an expert, if you work
for a Western company and your company sends you
in South Korea, it's different.
But working for a Korean company,
I will really not advertise for.
And you have to be very healthy.
Because with your group of colleagues,
often you go late at night to some bars and drink a lot.
And this is true, like in Japan also.
But this is absolutely true.
- Okay, so there is the drinking culture that you see in anime
and in comics and stuff like this is really-
- Yes, you know, Korean drama,
give you a very good idea of this.
- Nice.
You talked a little bit about it, being cheap,
like the transportation and the getting around,
but what is the best way to move around?
Like they assume the metro and the train system, it's good?
- Yeah.
- Is the best way?
- Now I will say inside Seoul, the subway,
you have a T-money, very cheap and very easy to use.
And if you want to visit the country, the bus,
very good bus, very comfortable.
So the bus is really good.
And of course, if you have, for example, to go to Jeju,
you have to take a plane.
But most of the times, the bus is really good
to go around and visit the country and cheap also.
- Cool.
I mean, important also.
If it's comfortable and cheap, it's a double win always.
- Yeah, yeah.
Truly, truly, it's not the kind of bus we have
in our Western country anyway.
- Next one that I have is healthcare.
I don't know if you ever needed assistance,
medical assistance in Korea, but how does the system work?
Is it easy to access the quality?
- Okay, I don't remember.
I tried to remember, but I don't, the name of,
there is, you know, a lot of foreigner in Seoul,
they live in a part of the town called Itaewon.
And in Itaewon, you have a clinic
which is open for foreigners
and they have staff speaking English, so it's easy.
So this is a place I recommend,
but I want to say something else.
If you have some Korean friends,
I truly recommend if you have any, for example,
joint problem or things like this,
go to a acupuncturist, but you have to speak
with Korean friend to find a good one.
Because like in, I would say in other countries,
you have also some bad practitioners,
but if you want, if you find a good acupuncturist,
the best acupuncturist in the world are in Korea,
for the simple reason, maybe China,
but I don't know so much about them.
But in Korea, they are still able to inject you,
which is not allowed, for example, in Western countries.
And acupuncturists really are good.
I can tell you, they save my life in a way,
because I have a lot of problem with my knees
and after something like a forceps,
okay, I'm fine, okay?
And I had the problem for years.
So I truly advertise for Korean acupuncturists.
But if you have to go, most of them,
they don't speak English,
so you have to have somebody to come with you.
Even using your phone, okay, could be good,
but not so good if you're not sure
what your phone is telling them, okay?
So your phone will be better.
- Yeah. (laughs)
- Not the best approach, normally.
Using Google Translate is not always the best idea.
Next one that I have is bureaucracy,
dealing with paperwork, visas, permits, and so on.
I mean, you left the country every three months due to it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, I do not have this problem,
because I leave the country every three months,
but I have to say, for what I hear around, okay,
it's not so difficult, but you have to follow the rules.
Korean people, everything is following the rules.
I truly believe that I did not have any problem,
because I follow the rules every three months.
I was out, even if it's just for one day or a weekend,
but I follow the rules.
So that's why I didn't have problems.
So I do believe that this is really important
for Korean people.
If you don't make problems,
I will not come after you to give you permits.
Generally, I would say that the Korean culture
is welcoming for the good reason that they have this.
Most of the people in Korea are Koreans.
So they're still not be threatening.
They are not threatened by foreigners.
You know, in some Western country today,
the people of the country are not so welcoming.
You know exactly what I say about this,
living in Spain or in Italy, we see it, okay?
But the thing is, there are too many foreigners,
and the people of the country feel threatened by them.
But in Korea, it's not the case.
Very small group of foreigners,
most of the foreigners, they live in Itaewon.
Even if Itaewon have the reputation to be dangerous, okay,
but they love to come to Itaewon for the weekend
because it's different from the shops they have in their area.
Anyway, you understand what I mean.
It's really, we are good Koreans, we live in Korea, car for car.
So they're welcoming because they are comfortable
in their own identity.
That's it. - Okay.
So not afraid also, like they're still the majority of people.
- Yeah, exactly, exactly.
I have two more.
The first one would be the best and the worst thing
about living in Korea.
- I think I will tell you something about it
because in a way it's funny.
The first time I went to Korea, I told you I went for a month.
And when I sit on the plane,
there were a Korean man on side of me who make a big dance room
because he didn't want me to sit on side of him.
And the sea ward and the staff came and say,
we are very sorry, he's rude and everything.
But they give me a better seat in business class, so I didn't.
It was fine for me, okay?
But the guy on side of me, okay, say I hate you.
And I say, how can you hate me?
You don't even know me, okay?
And I don't know, I really don't know.
So this time I encounter racism, okay?
And one of the two times I encounter racism
from Korean people, the other time was once I was lost
in the city and I came with my map
and tried to ask two women and they were really not friendly.
But otherwise I never encounter any racism in Korea.
And I also want to say that even if I don't speak Korean,
okay, and I live in a place where there were a lot
of everyday Korean people, you know, not necessarily rich
or too, often I find help from those people.
Just a small example because it's touched me
and I still remember it.
Once I was in a small supermarket and a grandmother come
to me and say, by this, by this, is good this.
You know, you understand that she tried to help me
to find the good food.
And this is really nice.
This is good, the good example.
And the worst example is this,
from time to time you have this racism.
And my daughter, I told you speak Korean
and she told me, it's good you don't speak Korean
because you don't understand what they say
when they are around you sometimes, okay?
So maybe there were more cases of racism,
but I never suffer from this.
- Yeah, you didn't realize because of the language, okay.
I mean, sometimes it's good.
The last one that I have for this section, it's the top tip.
If somebody is moving to Korea right now,
what would you be your one line advice to tell them?
- Okay, first, if you are moving,
you can find an accommodation, a temporary accommodation.
For example, on booking or Airbnb.
Try to read the comments, okay.
Because some people are really nice.
Some other people are experienced when I went last time.
Okay, not so good.
But I want to say those people,
they already live some years in Korea.
So they can give you some good tips.
And also it gives you the time to decide how
and where you want to settle.
So don't rush it.
Don't go to an agency, assign the first accommodation
that we propose because most of the time
is absolutely too expensive.
They can propose you 10,000 and they can propose you 400.
So your choice.
And also even if you don't speak Korean,
try to ask for help.
If you give you some months before to decide
where to rent and how to rent,
it's also help you to know how much you have to pay.
So I do believe that don't rush it.
The second thing is you have to understand
that Korean people, they order most of their products online.
So for example, don't be surprised if you don't know
where to buy your furniture, which happened to us.
We were not able to know where to buy our furniture.
And we were thinking, but where do they order the furniture?
We don't see shops except a luxury shop.
So the question was, well now in Seoul they have IKEA,
but before they didn't have IKEA.
And the thing is where do we buy furniture here?
It's crazy.
So yeah, they buy everything online.
And also Korea, like Singapore,
is a culture of ordering food.
So don't be surprised also here.
So my advice in Korea is take your time.
Thanks a lot for all the insights on Korea.
But truly, I really love Korea.
I have a lot of affection for Korea.
It sounds very interesting.
I'm pretty sure the audience will find this section very,
very useful if they are planning to go to Korea,
checking a little bit about the time.
And of course I would like to give you a little bit of space
now to talk about what you are working on currently,
where they can reach you,
where can the listeners find you,
and get in contact if they are interested, for example,
in the whole human therapy part of it, for example.
Okay. So in fact, as I said before,
I truly believe that if you want to feel better
in your own skin, you can help yourself.
And to help you help yourself,
I just put online a free user guide, okay?
It's called "A Human Therapy, A User Guide to Who You Are."
And you can download it freely at
www.psychologyexperts.online/cdform.
So if you go there, you can download this booklet,
and you see why it's working,
and how to use the four tools I advertised before.
Like the four tools are the three breathing,
the green walk, the small pleasure every day,
and meditation.
And you can understand how to help yourself
to feel better in your own skin.
If you do these programs for three months,
it will change your life, and it doesn't cost anything.
Also, if after that, you still have some unresolved issue,
you can always book an appointment with a psychotherapist.
Okay?
But first, work on yourself.
It's free.
- Thanks a lot for the resources, Dr. Elefanyani.
For the audience, as always,
all the links will be in the description of the episode,
so you can go and check them out there.
It has been a pleasure having you here.
It's very, very nice to have guests
who share their experience.
For the rest, as always, don't forget to subscribe,
and follow, and give love to the podcast,
so we continue the production.
Until next time, keep exploring, stay curious,
and see you in the next episode of "Expert Experts."
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